Is Your Goal Really Your Goal? How to Stop Chasing the Wrong Goals
Have you ever felt excited about a goal, only to lose motivation a few weeks or months later?
You start strong, full of energy and intention. But slowly something fades.
You might tell yourself that you need more discipline. More consistency. More drive.
But what if that’s not the real issue?
Before asking “How do I achieve this?” there’s a more important question:
Is this actually my goal?
Why You Might Be Chasing the Wrong Goals
Most of us have ideas about how we want our lives to change or improve. Some of those goals genuinely come from within.
But many are shaped by the constant noise around us.
We are influenced every day by things like:
Social media
Advertising
Other people’s lifestyles
Cultural expectations, and opinions of those around us
These influences constantly send messages about:
What success should look like
How your body should look
What you should be doing with your life
Your brain naturally compares, absorbs, and forms beliefs based on these messages.
Over time, it becomes difficult to separate what you truly want from what you’ve been influenced to want.
My Experience: When a Goal Isn’t Really Yours
I see this pattern often when working with others, and I’ve experienced it myself.
In my 20s, I set a goal to build bigger muscles.
For years I trained inconsistently. I struggled with motivation and felt frustrated that I wasn’t seeing the transformation I expected or feeling different about myself.
At the time, I assumed the problem was:
A lack of discipline
The wrong training programme
Not eating the right diet
Even not wearing the right clothes
But the truth was much simpler.
It wasn’t actually my goal.
What I really wanted wasn’t a bigger physique.
What I wanted was a greater sense of self-confidence, particularly in social situations.
If I had paused and asked myself the right questions earlier, I could have saved years of effort and frustration.
How to Know If a Goal Is Truly Yours
Before committing significant time and energy to a goal, it can help to pause and ask yourself a few important questions:
Why do I want this?
What do I believe this will give me?
How will I know when I’ve achieved it?
What assumptions am I making about how I’ll feel when I achieve it?
Giving yourself space to reflect on questions like these can reveal the deeper motivation behind your goal.
And sometimes, the real goal turns out to be something entirely different.
Why We Rush Into Action
We live in a fast-paced world that encourages immediate action.
Messages around us constantly push us to:
Join the class
Start the new routine
Buy the programme
Change your lifestyle overnight
“Strike while the iron is hot.”
But acting too quickly, without clarity, can lead to:
Disappointment and confusion
A lack of motivation
Starting and stopping repeatedly
Feeling stuck or frustrated
The Better Approach: Pause Before You Act
Instead of asking:
“How do I achieve this goal?”
Try asking:
“What am I really trying to change, and why?”
This small shift in thinking can save you:
Time
Energy
Emotional frustration
Most importantly, it helps you focus on goals that genuinely matter to you.
How Coaching Can Help You Gain Clarity
This is exactly where coaching can make a powerful difference.
Working with someone who isn’t inside your own thinking allows you to:
Slow down
Reflect more deeply
Challenge assumptions
Gain clarity on what you truly want
For me personally, coaching has been one of the most valuable tools for stepping back and realigning my goals.
It’s also the reason I trained as a coach and why I’m passionate about helping others explore and understand their motivations more deeply.
A Final Thought
If you’ve been feeling stuck, unmotivated, or unsure why things aren’t working…
It might not be your effort that’s the problem, it might be the goal itself.
Taking the time to reflect and gain clarity can completely change the direction of your energy and focus.
If you’d like support exploring your goals; whether they’re clear, evolving, or not yet fully formed, you can book a coaching session with me.
Clarity changes everything.