Why Prioritising Yourself Isn’t Selfish
During the pandemic, the phrase “prioritising yourself” became part of everyday conversation. Across the world, people recognised the importance of slowing down, reflecting on their deeper needs, and giving time and energy to the things that support their wellbeing.
For a moment, it felt like a collective pause.
But it didn’t last long.
Within months, we were bombarded with unhelpful suggestions about how to use our spare time “more productively”; baking sourdough, learning Spanish, mastering the ukulele, or finally launching that business.
There’s nothing wrong with any of those goals if they genuinely matter to you, and if you have the capacity to pursue them.
But the real opportunity for learning during that time wasn’t about doing more, I would suggest it was about about learning how to prioritise ourselves, whatever that looks like for us.
What Does It Mean to Prioritise Yourself?
At its core, prioritising yourself is surprisingly simple. It involves two key steps:
1. Reflect on what you truly need
Taking time to pause and ask yourself important questions:
What do I actually need right now?
What do I value?
What brings me energy or joy?
What feels draining or unsustainable?
This level of self-reflection is often missing from busy modern life.
2. Create space for those needs
Once you recognise what matters to you, the next step is making consistent space for it in your life.
Not once.
Not just when you reach burnout.
But as an ongoing practice.
Why Self-Care Awareness Isn’t Enough
Today, the idea of self-care is everywhere. Most people understand that looking after their mental and emotional wellbeing matters.
But awareness alone doesn’t create change.
Many of us still live with packed schedules, competing responsibilities, and the constant feeling that there simply isn’t enough time.
Days and weeks pass quickly, often accompanied by the familiar thought:
“If only I had more time.”
Of course, we could talk about the hours lost to doom-scrolling on our phones or the small distractions that fill our days.
But underneath that lies something deeper.
Many of us still struggle to give ourselves genuine permission to prioritise our own needs.
Is Prioritising Yourself Selfish?
For many people, the biggest barrier is the word “selfish.”
It carries strong negative associations. You might remember being told you were selfish as a child, or feeling guilty for choosing something that benefited you rather than someone else.
But what if we reframed that idea?
What if we considered our own needs even 25% as often as we consider the needs of others?
Is it selfish to say which film you’d actually like to watch instead of automatically saying, “I don’t mind, you choose”?
Is it selfish to spend 15 minutes relaxing in the bath rather than rushing through a three-minute shower so you can get back to preparing meals for everyone else?
Is it selfish to take an evening, a weekend, or even a week to reflect on where you are in your life? To ask yourself:
Are my needs being met?
Am I living in alignment with what matters to me?
What small changes could improve my wellbeing?
These moments of reflection are not indulgent.
They are essential.
The Power of Self-Prioritisation
When we shift our thinking and recognise that prioritising ourselves is not selfish, something important happens.
We begin to:
understand our needs more clearly
make more intentional decisions
create healthier boundaries
experience greater balance and wellbeing
And ultimately, we move closer to the meaningful and fulfilling life we are seeking.
A Final Thought
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stretched in too many directions, or disconnected from what truly matters to you, it may be time to pause.
Not to do more, but to listen more closely to yourself.
Prioritising yourself isn’t selfish.
It’s one of the most important steps you can take towards a healthier, more balanced life.
If you're ready to explore what prioritising yourself could look like in your life, coaching can provide a supportive space to reflect, reset, and move forward with clarity.